Child released pain that he was harbouring. (Acts1:3After his suffering, he presented himself to them)
His anger and frustration vomited violently through his words and actions, like a volcano erupting. (Acts1:3and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive)
A volcano that he had held inside himself, an unwelcome fire for too long. (Acts1:7“It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.)
Was I angry at child? No! It was me that ignited the fire, then I fueled it in the days of the nothingness. (Acts1:16 the Scripture had to be fulfilled in which the Holy Spirit spoke long ago)
How could I possibly be angry when I could feel every bit of pain, and fear child was releasing in such a way that I deserved.
(Acts1:18 with the payment he received for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out. Field of Blood.)
I know the way child acted, was my payment for my actions, from long ago, I deserved it.
I forgave myself for what I did, I asked for forgiveness from the kids, for being such a stinky Mum long ago, for making so many mistakes.
The children have, in there own ways showed me the pain inside them at some point, and all I could do is ask to be forgiven.
This was an opportunity for child and I to heal ourselves. (Acts1:24 they prayed, “Lord, you know everyone’s heart.)
To bring into the light that which could only survive in the dark. (Palm69:25 ‘May his place be deserted; let there be no one to dwell in it,’1:20)
Child released so much darkness that was replaced with the light of the holy spirit, (Acts1:8But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you;)
I was mostly forgiven by child that day, and I know I will be fully forgiven one day when child is ready.
God has already forgiven me this I know. That is why when child erupted, Jesus has his arms around me, supporting me gently saying to me “beautiful child of mine, it is time for child to let go of this evil inside him, and the devil is not going to go peacefully.”
“I am with you.”